


Worries

by okay_klepto



Series: The Many Adventures of Shiro and Keith [7]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, But Shiro is ready to be there, Established Relationship, Hints of Emotional Pain, Hints of Keith's past, Hurt, Keith has suffered too much, M/M, Understanding, reassurance, worried shiro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2019-01-09 04:52:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12269289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okay_klepto/pseuds/okay_klepto
Summary: Shiro and Keith have been dating for a while, and Shiro confides in Lance when he thinks things are starting to go downhill.  Lance explains the reasons behinds Keith's actions, and they form a plan to do something special for Keith in the near future.





	Worries

**Author's Note:**

> Time together: Just under 11 months
> 
> Look to the endnotes for further details about future fics relating to this one.

    Shiro and Lance sat on a bench outside the hospital in the night air. It was nice to finally be off duty and out of the hot and stuffy rooms. Shiro leaned forward and picked at something on his hand, his mind starting to go over the issues that had been filling it for weeks. Lance stretched out his arms and legs from on the bench and blew the hair out of his face. He had had a long day driving the ambulance around the city. Both of them just wanted to go home and sleep, but they stayed on the bench nonetheless, and Shiro had something to get off his chest.

    “Lance?” Shiro folded his hands and stared at the ground. “Can I tell you something?”

    “Here we go,” Lance sighed and looked at Shiro. “What’s wrong?”

    “I’m… worried.”

    “Oh, wow! Great story, man.”

    “Lance.” Shiro stood up and took a few steps out into the sidewalk. He rubbed his hands together then down his face, pulling on his cheeks. “I’m serious. It’s about Keith.”

    “What is it this time?” Lance rested his arms on his legs.

    Shiro put his head back and covered his face. He chuckled half-heartedly. “It’s so stupid, and I sound like an asshole when I think about it.”

    “Just tell me what it is.”

    Shiro looked back down and kicked at nothing on the ground. “It’s just… we’ve been dating for almost eleven months… Keith and I…”

    “Okay?”

    “And everything has been great. But…” Shiro sighed and rubbed his face again. “Keith is great; he’s kind and considerate and attractive and-”

    “Stop beating around the bush, Shiro.”

    “I…” Shiro started pacing in a circle. “We’ve gotten close, y’know, and he’s been into stuff but then…”

    “Shiro, what are you talking about?” Lance had a feeling he knew, but it was more fun getting Shiro to say it. Just because Shiro was stressed didn’t mean he couldn’t have some fun.

    “I just- He and I… we… I want to… but… Is it me, Lance?”

    Lance looked at Shiro with a blank face. “I would answer if I knew what you were talking about.”

    “C’mon! You know what I’m talking about!”

    “I do not.” He did.

    “You know…” Shiro did an odd gesture with his hands.

    “Are we playing charades?”

    “Lance!” Shiro balled his fists and took a deep breath. He looked Lance dead in the eyes. “I want to have sex.”

    “So do I. My place or yours?” Lance winked.

    “Lance!” Shiro began to pace again. “With Keith!”

    “Okay, then fuck him.”

    “Don’t say it like that! I don’t want to ‘fuck him…’”

    “Oh, I see.” Lance stood up and walked towards Shiro and wiggled his eyebrows. “You wanna make love, huh?”

    “Stop!” Shiro went and sat on the bench again. “Keith is amazing. I love him so much, and I want to do it. But every time I try, he just… gets all shy and pushes away.”

    “Maybe it’s timing?”

    “I’ve tried everything! The morning, midday, afternoon, midnight, before dates, after dates, when we’re watching a movie, when it’s over, making out for what feels like hours, just going in, being flirty, being pushy, giving subtle hints, everything! Nothing works! Is it just me? Does Keith not like me? Does he want to break up?”

    “Shiro-”

    "I knew it was something I did! Or said! Why can't I figure this out!"

    "Shiro-"

    "I thought I was being a good boyfriend! Yes, work and school got in the way a lot, but I did my best! Do I spend too much time away from him? Should I test more?"

    "I think-"

    "I just want him to be happy. I want to have a strong relationship with him, and I know that isn't just about sex, but I get thinking about him and I sometimes and my mind wonders..."

    "Listen-"

    "I want to kiss him and touch him and whisper in his ear when we're alone and make him feel good, inside and out. Do you think I think about this too much? About us having sex? Just... positions and toys... what do you think he's into? Getting it from behind? Against a wall? Praise? What about bondage? Do you think he would better in leather or-"

    “Okay!” Lance threw up his hands. “I don’t need to hear your weird sex dungeon fantasies, Doctor Horn-Lord…”

    "Sorry..." Shiro leaned back. “We’ve gotten so close so many times but- Is there something he’s not telling me? Did I do something? Lance!”

    Lance sat down next to Shiro as he hung his head.

    “I just… I sound terrible saying it,” Shiro mumbled. “I sound like a selfish asshole who only cares about getting laid. I really do care about Keith. I love him a lot.”

    “I know you do.” Lance rubbed Shiro’s back. “I know.”

    “I’m not used to waiting this long. I don’t want to pressure him, but I want things to move, y’know?”

    “Yeah…” Lance paused for a moment. “I’m going to tell you something very private and you can’t tell anyone else. If you do, I’ll kill you.”

    “What is it?”

    “I really trust you, and I think Keith does too.” Lance sat back and took a breath. "It might explain some things."

    "Let's hear it."

    “I think Keith is being so resistant because he’s just really… scared.”

    Shiro looked over to Lance. “What?”

    “He’s… how do I put this… terrified of intimacy? Petrified even. Things as simple as giving hugs or sitting too close to someone he doesn’t know send him to almost instant panic. He lacks the ability to, I guess, trust people well.”

    “I…” Shiro looked at his hands. “I had no idea.”

    “It’s okay. He’s seen and been through some really messed up stuff. Growing up without a solid family unit really took its toll.”

    “Should I ask…?”

    “Just…” Lance sighed. “He hasn’t told me all the little details, but he’s been stabbed in the back more times than anyone would like to be. He’s…” Lance took another breath. “Not everyone has treated him like a true human. He’s… gotten really close to being… harmed, in a more intimate manner.”

    Shiro stared at Lance. “He- what?”

    “Just let me finish. He likes being close to people and feeling love and affection but there’s also something nagging at him saying it’s not real. That’s he’s just going to get hurt again. That it will all just get ripped away. A lot of the wounds Keith has, unfortunately, may never heal completely.”

    Shiro was speechless. “I… I had no idea… Now… Oh, I feel awful. All those things I did? I…” He grabbed Lance by the shoulders. “I never wanted to hurt him!”

    “I know, Shiro, and I think Keith knows that, too. He’s had some exes who have wanted to move too fast and… it’s just scared him more.”

    “But…”

    “Keith’s version of ‘too fast’ is more like people’s normal speed. He has to build that trust and understanding before he goes anywhere near getting physical in any way.”

    “Is there something I can do?”

    “Just be patient. He also wants sex to be perfect, y’know. He doesn’t want it to bring up or leave bad memories. He wants to be ready and feeling confident and safe. There are some things he likes and others he doesn’t.”

    “I understand.”

    “And he really wants his first time too, hopefully, be with the person he’ll spend the rest of his life with, kinda like waiting 'til marriage, but not necessarily until marriage. He told me a little something about that, but I don’t remember exactly what it was… I think it comes a lot from the self-confidence issues and how vulnerable you have to be during sex.”

    Shiro looked at Lance, confused and concerned. “His… first time?”

    Lance froze. “You… oh, yeah…”

    “He’s…” Shiro looked at his hands then to Lance with a furrowed brow. “He’s still a virgin!?”

    “Quiet, quiet…”

    “Oh my gosh…” Shiro buried his face in his hands. “I’m such an asshole… He probably thinks I just want sex… Like I’m some horny bastard… I’m a dick… A fuckboy... Laaaance…”

    “It’s fine, Shiro, calm down.”

    “Do you know how I feel? He’s… and… I’ve had sex more times than I can count! But-” Shiro groaned into his hands. “I fucked up, Lance!”

    “Shiro, relax. It's not the end of the word.”

    “What do I do!?”

    Lance thought for a moment. “You gotta... make it perfect.”

    “What?”

    Lance looked at Shiro with an unimpressed face. “How thick are you? Do you think Keith has no idea what sex is? He’s a grown-ass adult, Shirogane. He’s watched porn. He’s jacked off, though I don’t think he does it often. He knows how sex works, he’s just never actually done it.”

    “How is this information going to help me?”

    “You just need to show Keith a good time. He impresses easily. You know that.”

    Shiro thought for a moment. “You said there are things he likes and doesn’t? I gotta know if I want to do this right.”

    “Get out your pen and paper, there’s a whole, long list.”

    Shiro pulled out his phone. “Ready.”

    “Here we go. Keith likes romance; moonlight, stars, candles, roses, basically any cliche from any romantic novel Keith will melt for. That means you gotta have the lights turned down low. Going directly into it isn’t a good idea. Have some build up. Go on a fancy date first. Set the mood. Do some foreplay. Also, you can’t do it in his bed.”

    “Why?”

    “I… I don’t remember. It was something odd... The sheets? Anyways, a hotel would be best, but not a trashy one. You know, a fancy one with big beds, clean sheets, soft blankets. Oh! And pillows. Keith is a pillow princess. The more the merrier.”

    Shiro tapped at his phone, recording all the notes Lance was giving him. “Okay…”

    “What else? Oh! Keith keeps everything pretty well trimmed, but he’s a little too afraid to shave, at least regularly. He really doesn’t like hair, especially the down-there hair.” Lance snickered. “That rhymed.”

    “Shave?”

    “C’mon, Shiro, don’t act stupid. Keith isn’t exactly the kind of guy that wants to date a lumberjack. He cuts his underarm hair back quite well and makes sure his face is smooth. He doesn’t have much to start with… but whatever. He’s also not a fan of hair in the nether regions. Hates it on himself, hates it on other people. I know it’s there for health and sanitation purposes, but if he could he’d take it all out for good. He’s just too scared to do so. And I know from countless gym visits you aren’t exactly baby smooth. Are you getting this?”

    “Romance, date, pillows, shave…”

    “Good. Where was I? Oh, as expected, lots of prep, which I’m sure you know, but I’m gonna say it again. Lots of kissing and cuddling and touching. You have to tell him how amazing he is and how much you love him so he feels secure. Be super gentle and loving. And be fair. You both have to be naked, okay? He can’t be the only one who’s exposed or he'll get self-conscious and clam up. Also, no oral stuff. Sorry if you were hoping for a blowjob, you gotta start slow and extra vanilla. Don’t give it either, he’ll feel guilty for not returning the favor. That can come later on when you two get kinky. What else? Cuddles and kisses afterward… use a condom and lube… Remember, no means no and yes means yes... You need to stop if he doesn’t like it.” Lance thought a little more. "Just let him know what you're doing so he's not in the dark. It will make him feel more reassured that things will go well."

    “That’s… kind of a lot.”

    “What did you want me to say? Just go to town? Keith, despite being as strong and hard-headed as he is, Keith has some insecurities. His body is the biggest one, along with regretting his choices and losing people he cares about. You’re not like Keith’s past boyfriends, Shiro. Most of them got tired of going slow pretty early on, which just made Keith feel worse. He tends to blame himself for everything, even though most of it is completely out of his control. He wants everything to be perfect and everyone to be happy, but he forgets about himself. You show him it’s okay if some things have flaws and that he should be happy, too. I’ve tried to do that for a long time, but it helps to have someone else saying it, especially someone he's romantically involved with.”

    Shiro thought for a moment. “How do you know all of this?”

    Lance looked at Shiro as though he had asked a rather obvious question. “I’ve known him since we were in middle school. He’s my best friend. We know pretty much everything about each other.”

    “But it seems like Keith doesn’t share… intimate details about himself.”

    “I know Keith. When he’s comfortable, he talks, especially when he’s feeling down, or drunk… He can just let everything out instead of trying to hide it. A flood of thoughts and words.”

    Shiro looked at the ground. “I guess I need to gain more of his trust…”

    “Don’t be upset if Keith doesn’t share every detail of his life with you. I know it’s hard to see him get sad and lifeless for what seems like no reason, or start to worry beyond belief. It’s hard for me and it’s probably a hundred times harder for you because you’re in the dark sometimes.”

    “I just want him to be happy, y’know?” Shiro tipped his head back and looked at the stars. “He means everything to me. Just seeing him at the gym that one day, I knew he was special. It hurts so much to see him suffer and know I can’t help.”

    “I’ve probably said this before, but I’m going to say it again. You’re not going to cure Keith. Just because you, or any other guy, walk into his life doesn’t mean he’s magically going to stop feeling depressed or anxious or scared or any of that. He doesn’t need someone who can take it away, he needs someone who is okay with dating all of Keith - from the medications to putting labels on everything. He knows true love’s kiss isn’t gonna break the spell, but it might for that moment, and then he can go on with someone who will be there to catch him when he falls.”

    Shiro chuckled. “I just want him to know I really do care about him.”

    “I know you do.”

    Shiro’s eyes widened and he jumped off the bench. “I’ve got it!”

    “What? What?”

    “Do you know what’s coming up next month?”

    “Um…” Lance actually thought hard for a moment. “A birthday?”

    “No!” Shiro grabbed Lance’s hands and pulled him off the bench. “Our anniversary!”

    “What?”

    “It’ll mark Keith and I being together for a year!”

    Lance’s eyes lit up. “You’re right!”

    “That’s when I can do the date!”

    “Yes!”

    “And we can do it!” Shiro started jumping up and down. “It’ll be perfect! I’ll… I’ll make reservation and… Lance! I’m gonna make it perfect!”

    “Make it perfect!” Lance was now as equally excited. “Get laid!”

    “YES!” They then scampered to Shiro’s car to go home, discussing possible date ideas and how they think Keith will react.

    Back at his apartment, Shiro immediately began researching clubs and restaurants and other venues where they could spend their evening. He tried to choose everything Keith would like, even examining menus to make sure Keith could order something he loved. Shiro thought about how much Keith meant to him, and if he had really shown Keith how much he loved him. Shiro knew that sex wasn't the god-tier of love showing. Sometimes it was doing little things around the house, or comforting them while they cried their heart out on your shoulder. Keith just meant the world to Shiro, and he wanted everything to be spot on. Sex was going to be a huge hurdle for Keith, Shiro knew, and he was willing to go out of his way to make sure Keith got over that hurdle as easily as possible. He wanted to show Keith he could trust him and be open and vulnerable and that he would never hurt him, no matter what. The evening would be about love, and most importantly, it would be about Keith.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! This was supposed to go out, like, a week and a half ago... oh well.
> 
> This is the first part of a 3 part series leading up to Keith's birthday. Keep an eye out for the second this coming week and the final installment on Keith's birthday!
> 
> Note: The third part contains smut, but is mainly fluff. It will be marked accordingly.
> 
> As always, comment and kudos are much appreciated.


End file.
